Chess Jokes Contest Finalist

Joke 1 (2nd place) by chessteacher002

A chess master died – after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him! “What’s it like, where you are now,” he asked. “What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news.” “Tell me the good news first.” “Well, it’s really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they’re all here, and you can play them.” “Fantastic!” the friend said, “and what is the bad news?” “You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday.”

Joke 2 (Winner) by Michael C.M.

Capablanca was waiting in a train station in New York one day, with his coffee, danish, newspaper and chess set, when a man approached him. Gesturing at the chess set, he asked if Capablanca cared for a game. Always delighted to play, Capablanca immediately set up the board, then removed his queen from the board, to even up the game. Annoyed, the man blurted out, “Why did you do that? You don’t know me, I might beat you!” Unruffled, Capablanca replied, “Sir, if you could beat me, I would know you.”

Joke 3 (3rd place) by Graeme

Alekhine dies and approaches the pearly gates, but is denied admittance on the grounds that they don’t allow chess masters inside. He looks through the gates and sees Efim Bogolubov inside, and tries to object. “Hey, I thought you said you didn’t allow chess masters in there.” St. Peter replies “Oh, he’s not a chess master, he just thinks he is.”